This is easier said than done, especially for me. I am not normally quick to open up, or change, and the way we do one thing is often the way that we do everything. It becomes your comfort zone, the way you approach most, if not all, situations. Your spiritual journey can fall into that category too if you are not aware. You must remember, above all else, that this experience is all about joy. Lighten up (literally). Relax. Let go. Let go of expectations- of yourself, of others, of the world around you. This was (is) a really hard lesson for me. I think that people who struggle with control issues or have a lot of anxiety want to anticipate or predict what is coming up in their life. I think that this comes from a place inside of them where in the past they had a moment or experience, or a handful of them, where they couldn’t predict or control a part of their life that really impacted them. The ego then pops into your head and says “okay let’s try to control everything from here on out because the world can be scary and life has pain”…etc. Then eventually over time, it really does become that robotic of a reaction, an automatic reaction to life where you just want to try to control, manipulate and decide things that can never be truly organized in that way. But controlling only takes away from the joy of life; to never have anything that is a surprise or unexpected that could be a negative impact, often also destroys the chance for those same type of experiences that are positive. You do not leave any room for magic when you plan out every aspect of your life. Just think about it- when leaves fall from a tree do you think that the tree says “Noooo!!! I wasn’t ready! You can’t leave me!!!” Nature is always such a great example for us to let things just flow, to allow things to die. To change and move forward into the different seasons of life. Because that is all that they are, seasons, forever changing and moving and simultaneously bringing us the “good” and the “bad”. For every menacing snowstorm, there is a quiet glittering white morning, where you are curled up by the fire with your favorite book and steaming hot beverage enjoying the view of what was once a “bad” moment. Think about it, in what areas of your life are you trying to control things and move them in a certain direction? And how is that going for you? The physical and emotional input that that takes is so incredibly draining. Stress and anxiety in situations like that is certainly a choice. You have a choice how you are going to show up in those moments, because no matter the amount of planning or prep work you do- they will happen. All of this to say there are many paths to the same place, and it is definitely your choice how you want to get there. You can either be stressed out, kicking and screaming the whole way because you wanted the path to look a certain way, or you can step back, take a deep breath, and see that this snowstorm too, will come to an end.

Now I choose the path of least resistance. I choose to take a step back and take a deep breath and wait for that glittering white cozy morning to come. I choose the path of love and light. This journey I am on, and we all are on in this lifetime, it is about more than just getting from birth to death. It is about more than our Earthly goals or even about healing and understanding that which is deep inside of us. It is about more than your journey here on this planet and in this lifetime. It is about spreading love and truly seeing each other. It is about knowing that you have an infinite amount of love and understanding to give. It is about realizing that no matter how different our experiences and journeys have been up to this point, that deep down we all want the same things and are heading the same direction. It feels a bit dramatic to say that drinking a potent herbal tea at a jungle retreat taught me all of this, but it is true. I don’t think I will ever fully understand, but that is okay. I know now that you do not have to understand or know everything in order to feel everything. Deep down you know what feels right and what you are meant to do. I think a lot of people who seek out the guidance of Mama Ayahuasca are surprised to find that she is not the ultimate teacher, they are. They are the one who had the answers all along. Even knowing that, it is still a continuing journey to understand yourself and the way you connect to everything. There is a difference between hearing something and feeling it. That is something we are all trying to figure out, and it will take this lifetime to get there. But that is okay! When it comes down to it is all very simple for me: less thinking, more feeling.